When I married my farmer eight years ago, I knew I would be a farmer’s wife, but I didn’t really understand the complexity of that role. Yes, I had been dating said farmer for four years at that point, so of course I thought I knew, but all of the best life wisdom comes with time.
There are many things I reflected on those first few years and often found myself thinking, well I wish someone would have told me. Maybe someone did try to tell me, but I wasn’t ready to hear them. Do you ever find yourself wishing someone would have told you?
Below I am sharing a few tidbits of farm wife wisdom gained from my years navigating this lifestyle. Go ahead and share this post with a fellow farm wife friend to remind her she is never alone in her journey.
Farm wife-isms I wish someone would have told me early on:
- Sometimes farm life is less than glamorous.
Sometimes marrying a farmer and the farm can be less than glamorous. It is likely no one is going to tell you that at your wedding, but it is a very different way of life. While most days it is beautiful, those hard days are HARD. If someone would have told me, I wouldn’t have believed them. In fact, I am glad no one told me, so that my husband and I could stretch and communicate and learn this life together. Effectively learning to communicate and understanding our unique lifestyle was prioritized early in our marriage, and I am so glad we took the time.
- You can love the farm, and loathe the farm at the same time.
There are so many unique experiences that come along with farming that it can be difficult to explain to someone not living your reality. This life on the farm can feel extremely isolating and lonely, while simultaneously bringing you more joy and freedom than you know what to do with.
- Sometimes the farm is a lot.
These feelings are magnified during the spring and fall seasons when the longest hours are put in by everyone. You are not the only one feeling overwhelmed on your farm, please remember patience, grace, and lead with kindness.
- Your non-farm friends will never truly understand, and that is okay.
You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. You may want to fall into a black hole of self pity, because your friends are all out on a group date and your husband had to combine late. Don’t fall into that trap, it is not a fun one to be in. Acknowledge those feelings, recognize that you all have different circumstances, and move on. Heck, go on the group date and hang out with your friends!
- He wants to be at home with you.
It can be easy to forget that he is likely missing you and the comforts of home just as much, if not more, as you are missing him. Feel all of the feelings, acknowledge them, make a plan, and move forward. There will be days of immense joy and days of immeasurable stress. We have made it through 100% of the days. You can too.
- He is choosing the farm for you, not over you.
And even if someone would have told me, I would choose my farmer and this farm wife life over and over again. Every choice we make is for each other and our dreams. On the good days, on the hard days, it is us against the world. Follow me over on Instagram to join me as I navigate daily farm wife life from our Minnesota farm.